I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
