I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
