Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
