just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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