you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
