Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
well you can't waste a boner
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
