Are we in a gay sports bar?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
