Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
