we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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