i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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