where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
