Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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