got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
