My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
