I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
