I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
