I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
