She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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