1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
