I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
