Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
