Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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