She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
