Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
