I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
