i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize