Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
