SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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