I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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