Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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