Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
