Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
