I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
