it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
