Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
