When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize