i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
