Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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