You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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