tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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