I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
