I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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