wrigley field is MILF paradise
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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