cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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