i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Help me help you realize you are a moron
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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