she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
