In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
