so that wasnt chicken after all
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
