Who did Billy Mays play for?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
