You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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