have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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