i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
