No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
