I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
