Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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