I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
