My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
