I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
