just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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