i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
