hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
