Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
