I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
