Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
