the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
