I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Still dying that you shit outside
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
