please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
