man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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