I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
