I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
