The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
