I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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