I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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