i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I fill condoms, not promises.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
